A Comfortable Couch

Monday, September 27, 2004

Discouraged

Right now it's really hard. We haven't sold the house and I'm running low on contract work. We are still in Ok shape financially, but that won't last much longer if things continue this way. I'm starting to feel really discouraged.

Sometimes I think I'm just not that good, that I should stop trying to be great and just accept my mediocrity. Those times are hard. I fight those thoughts, but to believe them means that I can just get some average job that pays well and my struggle to be great is over, I can relax and not worry about all the things I'm not accomplishing. It seems easier to live that way, but most of the time the thought of living like that makes me feel sick.

5 Comments:

Julian Robichaux said...

Mediocrity is what you do, not who you are. If you stop trying, then you'll make yourself mediocre.

9:25 PMlink  
Anonymous said...

What a soppy pussy.

-Ronnie

9:42 PMlink  
Julian Robichaux said...

Sorry, that sounded kind of preachy, didn't it. And I don't even know you personally.

Maybe a better way to put it is that I don't think that any of us who got all excited when you started blogging think you're a mediocre person at all (having seen some of your old code, read some of your old articles, and using your new Notes formula engine every day). I think that giving up and settling for an "average life" would be a waste.

For what that's worth.

- Julian

9:42 PMlink  
Anonymous said...

Hang in there, Damien... I know these situations can be extremely stressful. After getting laid off from Enron, I was convinced I'd never get another programming job again. I started wondering what I would do with my life if I wasn't developing software. But over time it worked out, and I'm doing more cool stuff than I thought possible. And it's not even all development either... some writing, some speaking.

Basically, I remember watching you on stage at LS thinking I will never approach that level of expertise. Many years later, that still hasn't changed. Keep living up to your own standards, and it will pay off in the long run.

Duffbert
twduff.com

11:18 PMlink  
Anonymous said...

Too few people these days strive to do something out of the ordinary, I think out of pure fear of failing. It is the people who do unusual things who are certainly the most interesting!

It's early days for you just now and you need to find your balance. It is certainly unsustainable to code on the couch full-time (you gotta eat right?). So kick back relax and find that balance between what you have to do (eat) and what you want to do (couch).

I think impatience that it is all not happening fast enough is an encouraging sign!


Brendon Upson
http://www.puakma.net

5:59 AMlink  

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