A Comfortable Couch

Tuesday, January 11, 2005


No no, I haven't gotten into the penis enlargement business. I saw this ad while I was committing certain deeds (let's leave it at that), and the picture was too intriguing to pass up: Was this an ad for what it looked like? A penis stretching device?

And no, don't click the link above, unless its Ok to visit a penis enlargement site on your computer. ("There goes Davis again, visiting penis enlargement sites. That guy just can't get enough penis enlargements, can he? What is that, like the fifth one this month? Jesus!") Fortunately I have visited the site, so you don't have to.

Now, to answer your first question, yes, it is a device to stretch your penis. To answer your second question, yes. Really.

The device has an adjustable tension settings, from 600 grams to 1500 grams. Now if you don't know metric (like me) those numbers are meaningless to you. Converted into American, that's 1 to 3 pounds of tension. On your penis. It says you wear it for 6 hours a day for at least 6 months. Now that might seem like a significant time investment, but I bet you can watch TV, pay bills and do household chores all while you wait for your penis to grow. So really it shouldn't disturb your life too much. Well, except that you'll have 3 pounds of tension on your penis, of course.

The site helpfully explains how stretching body parts is well known concept that should not be feared, it presents the following pictures:

Now I don't know about you, but when I'm considering stretching any one of my body parts, the last thing I want to see is someone who's stretched their lips into a drum kit. Again, this is just me, but it kind of makes the stretching of body parts seem a little weird. No offense to you personally, Ms. Dinner Plate Lips.

So, you are probably asking yourself, does it really work? No need to ask yourself, you can ask the FAQ, question #1:
Q: Does it really work?
A: Yes it does. Vimax Extender is used worldwise by real doctors to lengthen penis size.
So there.

And yes, the product is doctor approved. That's right, approved - by a doctor. So you know it's safe and effective. Of course only one renegade doctor has the guts to come out and say what all the other doctors know: The Vimax Penis Extender works dammit. I salute you Dr. Jorn Ege Siana. So what if it's the same doctor who invented and sells the device? Only one man is willing to battle the medical establishment and make a difference, and give us massively enlarged penises. (or is it penii?)

Jorn Ege Siana (M.D., I.A.M.S.S., A.S.P.R.S., B.F.D.)

So how much does it cost? No, not $599.99, not $399.99 but a steal at $299.99. Ouch, more than you were looking to spend on penis enlargement? Don't want to wear 3 pounds of tension on your penis 12 hours a day for months on end? Then I guess REAL penis enlargement just isn't for you, is it? Sucker. I guess you don't mind looking like a fool, with your puny, unenlarged penis.

Still not 100% completely convinced? There's a money back guarantee:
If you try Vimax Extender for 6 full Months following the instruction manual, and do not lengthen your penis size, we will be happy to refund you full purchase price. No questions asked!!!
It's simple, just place your penis in the contraption 12 hours a day for 6 months, and then if you aren't too embarassed to call their well hung customer support, then you get your money back. Okay?


Anonymous said...

Thats too funny does that $299 include shipping? If so I'm sold

4:32 PMlink  
Anonymous said...

And how desparate do you have to be to take the job in shipping that unpacks the returned units?


BTW, thanks for a great laugh, Damien.


11:12 AMlink  
Richard Shergold said...

I wonder what life is like in their Quality Control / Testing department ?

12:17 PMlink  
Anonymous said...

Dont be fooled!
I strech mine all the time and the enlargement effects are temporary!

-Ron D.

2:16 PMlink  
Anonymous said...

I've tried a variety of devices to stretch my penis. So far, nothing has worked. I purchased a device almost identical to this one and there were no positive results. The only results I got were a penis that is very hard to get erect. And even when I get hard, it's not the same as it used to be.

8:59 PMlink  
MySpace Band Reviews said...

you're all insane. read www.vimaxreview.com and you'll see penis enlargement is the motherfuckin' TROOF.

12:45 AMlink  

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